Losing Teeth

I long for the feeling of losing teeth. I miss getting my tongue wedged between my gums and my teeth, and trying, like Arthur with Excalibur, to pry the root out of the socket. The satisfying pop of release signified a visit from the tooth fairy, a reason to leave class, and schoolyard clout. The resulting hollow invited a tonguing of the gap, the newly discovered space yielding hours of secret entertainment - a safety net to fall back on when class became too boring.

These memories fill me with nostalgia, yet the idea of losing teeth now makes me shudder. Any movement of my teeth and I am observing them over the course of days, ensuring that the wiggling I once enjoyed is now a fluke. Thinking of my best friends tying a string in my mouth before slamming the tooth-tied door fuels nightmares, where it might have once excited me. The teeth that I have now I previously cleared the way for in my younger years, having hoped that my “grown-up” teeth would better lend me to adulthood.

Years have passed since I lost my last baby tooth, and though I have bigger teeth, a bigger mouth, and a more dutifully attended oral hygiene ritual, I feel no closer to adulthood. I told myself that when I start middle school I will make it to maturity, then high school, senior year, and now college. Life is measured in these benchmarks, ones that we would see on our mom’s Facebook: first words, first tooth, first day of school, first tooth lost, last tooth lost, last day of school, last words. For the time being, the benchmarks that have been used as markers in my life have mainly been firsts, and the same inevitability that took my teeth prepares to take more. Fast approaching is the time that lasts may become more prevalent - my last day of high school is only 7 months away. Past that, it will be the last time that I see many of the people that fill my daily life, being lost one by one, like baby teeth.

Though I eagerly extracted my teeth, I hold on to my friends dearly. Having learned from my race to lose all those pesky teeth, I will intentionally value my immaturity, to purposefully enjoy each moment as I grit my teeth and brace for the removal of each figure from my life. I will long for the feeling of my first day of high school soon enough.