Preface: 

I wrote this article based on true stories inspired by Yeon-mi Park and Hyeonseo Lee, two wonderful women who successfully escaped from the country and were able to tell us about their incredible journeys. Some of the story details were fabricated or are personal stories that I had the opportunity to know from people who lived through the Vietnam Famine in 1945 or the Vietnam War (1955-1975). Through this story, I want to acknowledge the current brutal situation that the North Koreans are suffering. Right now, at this moment when you read through these lines, the inhumane regime is continuing with its wicked policies.

If you want to know more about the journey of North Korean defectors, check out Yeon-mi’s channel at: https://www.youtube.com/@YeonmiParkOfficial

When I was young, I was always told that North Korea is the greatest country in the world, and our leaders are God’s descendants saving us from the horrendous world outside of our horizon.  

I wholeheartedly believed it, I was a faithful worshiper of the state. So whenever our life got miserable, I always trusted that our dear leaders would save us from despair.  

Until,

The fateful Great Famine in the late 1990s ravaged our country like an apocalypse, which it was. Human corpses were everywhere on the street. We had gone through some hard times before, but I have never seen anything like this before. Our family was considered to be better off than ordinary civilians, but even we couldn’t hold through this horrible situation. For example, I mistook rats and bugs for food. Fortunately, our uncle worked as a farmer. He saved some of his harvested food and sent it to us, and because of that, we were able to survive the close brush with death. But many weren’t. I remembered a letter that was sent to me from my best friend:

“When you are reading this, perhaps our family is already dead, I’m so hungry and we haven’t eaten anything for the past two weeks. We’re holding our hands and waiting for our time to come.”

I looked up the street where the neighbor kids happily played together; it was peaceful scenery, but now it’s ingrained with pain. There weren’t enough coffins, so people covered the corpses with mats or even nothing as they decayed on the street aisle. There were people who managed to survive but were too weak to even open their eyes. I could even see their ribs, their pale blue skin with malnourished crows and rats who wandered around and waited to enjoy “the last supper with God.” There were families who had eaten their own pets (I know they felt insane when doing that), and there were families where all their generations perished on Earth.

But that wasn’t the worst.

Only a few months later, some soldiers came to our home and notified us that my uncle was arrested for illegally storing food without truthfully informing the government about his production outcome, and they demand our family attend his execution (it’s mandatory that civilians attend to public execution). I was devastated. Before, I believed that those who were executed were bad people, so they got punished. But my uncle was a good person. He helped our family survive death, and now he had to pay the price. I later knew how lucky my family was because we had escaped death’s scythe. We could have been executed like my uncle or exiled to a concentration camp - which might as well be the death penalty (In North Korea, if a criminal violates something significant enough according to the regime, their family for three generations, or in some cases - nine, can be executed or banished to concentration camps where they will be tortured and worked like a slave until death). I started to question the “greatness” of our country as well as our dear leaders. I wondered if what I believed before was all lies. I urged for an answer from my parents, but my mom desperately scolded me as she told me how the smallest whisper can result in death. My dad fetched a sigh and took out a box from the deepest and darkest corner that I’ve never known and gave it to me.

This is…

Yes, those are Korean and Hollywood movie videotapes that he hid for many years, anticipating the time to enlighten me about how the real world actually is. It was fascinating. I binged through those masterpieces in hours. I had never seen something like them before. Their world seemed so colorful and full of love. They spoke Korean, but their world looked so lively. It’s even more beautiful than any fantasy  I can imagine. 

It was then my family decided to escape from this place. I was only 14. 

Throughout the process, we diligently worked to save up money in order to cross over to China. I awaited the day to come for so long, excitedly thinking that I would be going to a real-life elysium, not knowing the bloodthirsty storm that was also waiting for us ahead.

D-Day came, and we said goodbye to our grandparents for the last time. I thought they would join us later until I heard my parents mournfully saying their last goodbyes to them. Perhaps we will never ever see each other again. As the sky was getting darker, my dad reiterated that no matter what I mustn’t cry, mustn’t scream, mustn’t feel heartbroken, mustn’t turn around - I can only go on. Then, he even handed me a knife and rat poison and carefully told me that if unfortunately I got captured, I could drink this thing, and it would send me to a better place. I saw him grit his teeth aggressively and continuously ignored eye contact with me, but I caught a hopeless feeling deep down his eye. 

I turned around and looked back at where I grew up, only a few lights glimmered in the blank space. It was January A freezing breeze blowing around gave me a chill down my spine. Within a minute, I hesitated and wanted to leave everything to come back but….. it’s freedom. How can I deny it? 

We meandered in the dark forest and couldn’t even turn on our flashlights to avoid the guards. I felt like only the gloomy moonlight was guiding our despondent, astray souls. Sometimes, I could hear guards patrolling echoing around us and it drove me crazy; those noises from the surrounding forest were like a death knell ringing and hunting for our lives. My dad then stopped. 

“This will be the most dangerous stage. It’s winter, so the river is froze already, and we can run over and cross into China. There will be guards who are ready to shoot us at any given moment, so we must run as fast as we can. I have contacted some Chinese men and they will drive us to somewhere safe. Then we’ll continue our journey from there.” 

My mom and I hesitated. I clearly saw the anger inside my dad’s eyes that he couldn’t protect his family. I love him, and all my family, so much, and I want them to live in that beautiful fantasy. But now it’s either continue toward the fantasy or beg for help from the divine. 

“Yeonjin-ah, we can’t go back if you want to” I saw him smile warmly at me.

“Mom, Dad, I want us to live in freedom, live in heaven. If we die at least we can go to heaven together rather than come back to that hell on Earth.” 

So, we seized the opportunity to run through the river. I accidentally tripped and some guards already recognized our action. My dad pushed my mom to the other side and rushed back to pick me up. Gunshots were already fired and I heard the cracking sound of ice behind us. 

Mom was screaming, Dad’s heartbeat was accelerating, and my blood ran colder and colder. Everything was so chaotic that all of a sudden my mind blanked and I couldn’t hear or feel anything.  

Luckily, we managed to cross the Chinese border but we still had to run. We horrifically rushed through the dark forest, extreme fear mixed with extreme desire to live made me aimlessly race for my own future. We only stopped when we couldn’t hear any more soldiers, which left us in completely dead silence. It was then that I desperately wanted to burst into tears. I was really scared but so delighted that we again escaped death’s scythe. We then went to an unknown location informed to us by the Chinese smugglers, and they drove us to a place far from this horrifying moment; there will be people who can shelter us for a while (the Chinese government will deport any illegal immigrants back to North Korea - which death is definitely guaranteed for us back there).

I sat in the car and looked outside unconsciously not knowing where my future was going, but I knew that my “fantasy dream” was coming.

Unaware that the road ahead is millions of times harder.

(To be continued)