When Carina said she wanted some of the seniors to write reflections, my “if not me, then who” mentality took over. I was the first person to volunteer and after thinking about it for a couple of days I realized I took Virginia’s words from the last issue for granted. She was right. It is extremely difficult to write what will probably be my final goodbye. 

With that being said, I will try my best.

…

I have heard many people in my life say something along the lines of “if I could see myself from four years ago, I would probably punch them in the face.” I am not one of those people. I look at pictures of myself from when I was a freshman and see someone who had just come out to their parents a couple of months before the school year started. This younger version of me was entering the first phase of being themselves and trying to figure out who they were. This took a lot of trial and error. 

When I think about my first memories of being a student at Springs, happy snapshots of lake day and the Ocoee trip come to mind. However, these snapshots are accompanied by less happy snapshots: making the decision to stop hanging out with friends who didn’t appreciate me, spending a considerable amount of time alone, waiting until everyone left after choir to study my scores not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I couldn’t stand the idea of sitting in a crowded dining hall and feeling lonely for one more second. I spent most of the year thinking about whether or not I wanted to leave Springs and completely start over.

I’m going to be completely honest. I don’t know what compelled me to stay. Maybe it was my Type A educational drive to finish everything I start. Maybe it was because of the available opportunities that couldn’t be replicated at other schools in Alabama. Maybe it was a mixture of the two or something else entirely. 

However, I’m so glad I did. 

I started my sophomore year with a vengeance. I figured out that the best way to heal from all of the pain I had experienced during the previous year was to become the person I needed when I was a freshman. After some serious introspection, I discovered that freshman me needed someone who could be vulnerable. They needed someone with an incredible amount of strength. They needed someone who had the courage to be themselves unapologetically. This idea has driven every single thing I do. 

After following the path of being my best self for three years, I can say with absolute confidence that I went from being a shy, socially anxious freshman to being a shy, socially anxious senior who is still learning how to laugh at themselves and roll with the punches. I don’t think I have reached my peak potential yet. I feel like I still need to grow. At first, I was angry at myself because I thought I would become the pinnacle of perfection by senior year. 

Then I stopped for a second, took a deep breath, and remembered that freshman me would be proud.