Personal Statement

Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

Last summer, I traveled to Tibet. At one point, I passed by an art school in a beautiful, quiet valley, where people my age learn a traditional Tibetan painting style called Thangka. Their lifestyle is intriguing - every day they wake up at five, wash their faces by the river, read their prayers, eat a small piece of barley dough, and then start painting Buddhas until dusk approaches. Bland and repetitive, yet such a life seemed to be enjoyable to them.

This monotonous lifestyle reminded me of the story of Sisyphus, the deceitful Greek king who was punished for all eternity to roll a boulder up the hill and watch it fall back every time, desperately and numb. I wondered if these students' 'Sisyphean life' was meaningful to them. In some way, I also felt my life was made from the same recipe - persistently struggling in different challenges, navigating them, and finding a new boulder to roll. Even worse, at least Sisyphus was a king of some kind, while I'm just an ordinary girl who thinks too much.

The question of whether life is meaningful has haunted me for a long time. In my years of pondering, I've realized that my sense of worth doesn't come from any of my personal achievements; rather, it's from the moments when I've made an impact on others. I have taught new players at bridge club and felt fulfilled when the 8th graders had their 'aha' moments when they first learned how to finesse. As the Commissioner of Education in student government, I revitalized the tutoring program and was gratified to see the number of students who received tutoring during the first month was 200% more than the previous year. I've been attributing my meaningfulness to the social responsibilities I have. However, I still feel powerless sometimes, and wonder whether that's all the meaning to be found.

This trip to Tibet inspired me to reexamine this question; I was prompted to dig deeper into the wisdom of the great figures. Driven by curiosity and the determination to find an answer, I reread the works of philosophers at which I had only taken a brief glimpse in school before. In one of the dusty books hidden in the back of my shelf, I found the essay that I was subconsciously looking for: "The Myth of Sisyphus" by Albert Camus.

In Camus' interpretation of Sisyphus, "one must imagine Sisyphus happy," because he has recognized the meaninglessness around him and he's not tortured by it anymore. One can always choose how she responds to a given condition. To Sisyphus, every time he puts his hands on the boulder at the mountain foot, he accepts that meaninglessness and chooses to confront it and carry on. Maybe I, too, can accept the reality that I don't have an answer to my question and that I'm not always omnipotent to do everything and to help everyone. But viewing it differently, why can't the meaning of life be my exploration of this question? And why can't the meaning be reborn from my efforts striving against this meaninglessness?

I still find the story of Sisyphus to be the metaphor for my life, but now what I see is his tranquility, courage, and resilience.

Though in the end I still haven't completely solved this ultimate life mystery, nor do I have a clear path planned for my future career, I'm excited to explore all possibilities: maybe an NGO leader working to provide more accessible education in remote areas of China; or a computer scientist and an economist who can come up with a model to appropriate government funds for its maximized effect; or maybe a professional bridge player... But one thing I'm certain of, for whichever path I take and for whatever belief might be challenged again, is my eagerness to learn more, explore more, and achieve more.