During the college application process, I fell behind on a fair bit of my school work, and even though I had a legitimate excuse, I still felt guilty. I was more concerned about disappointing my teachers than I was about my grades dropping. Why though? Surely my teachers would understand. I even had two teachers tell me to forget their work until I was caught up, but I couldn't seem to do so. I realized I didn't want my teachers to view me as lazy or dumb. I wasn't someone who could stroll into class and just blatantly say they forgot their homework or asked for a test to be moved. I needed my teachers to validate my existence, and I've noticed that is the case with a lot of my female friends. I also noticed that those students who so confidently expressed their lack of work to their teachers are usually men… hmm, I'm sensing a pattern. Now, this isn't to say that men do not also struggle with a need for validation or that men are less likely to turn in homework. I know plenty of guys who turn everything in on time and also wish to impress their teachers. However, every girl I know is attached to the overwhelming fear that they will disappoint others. I guess it all starts when we're children. Girls learn to thrive on validation from outside sources, especially men. If you have grabbed male attention, then congrats, ladies, you're successful. That’s literally what every rom-com teaches young girls. Even in Disney movies, the heroine is only successful once she is married. Although some newer Disney movies depict princesses such as Moana never marrying or worrying about their relationship troubles, girls are usually taught that success = a man. Think about it. Cinderella's life was down in the cinders as she suffered constant abuse from her evil stepmother until Prince Charming swooped in and saved her. In The Princess and the Frog, young Tiana works hard for her dream restaurant. When does Tiana finally get this restaurant? After she is married to the handsome prince.

Girls are taught to thrive on male attention and validation because apparently, the only way they will ever become successful is through men. What are the implications of girls thriving off other's approval? Besides internalized sexism and self-doubt, girls are more likely to apologize when they aren't at fault and are less likely to voice their opinions in front of their male colleagues or peers. Girls are taught that they NEED men and that their efforts NEED to be  validated, while boys are instilled with the confidence to be independent and pursue their own interests. This carries into the classroom and can be seen in the dynamic between male and female students. For example, when boys speak over their female classmates to correct or express their opinions, the girls usually retreat with a weak smile. Any time I've ever seen a girl interrupt a boy, she profusely apologies and insists that he speaks first.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trashing boys or boys who talk over girls in class because nine times out of ten, the boys don't understand that what they're doing is rude. They're just doing what they were taught to do. Unfortunately, girls are always aware of their own behavior because they don't want to seem rude or offend anyone. As women, we have to build ourselves up after society has torn us down. Despite being part of a supposedly "progressively feminist" culture, women are still taught to be subordinate and aim to please. We have to learn to trust our judgment and work to please ourselves before we try to please others. For years, women were told that they needed men for survival, and now, they're told that they need men for happiness. Our existence in society is apparently completely dependent on a man and his opinion. I have absolutely no clue how we are supposed to rewrite centuries of behaviors, but this world has changed tremendously for women in the past 100 years, and it's finally our turn.

"It's not my responsibility to be beautiful. I'm not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me."

― Warsan Shire