This article will be an all-encompassing guide on Maruchan™ ramen flavors. I’ve put decent effort into trying many flavors, including the terrible ones (I even got a couple of street flavors in there). Alongside taste, I will be scrutinizing other aspects and will be sure to take many other factors into consideration. These factors include, but are not limited to: color of the packet, type of packaging, my mood when I ate it, and personal bias. Why should you trust me, you ask? Well, you don’t have to, but you’d be missing out (I possess outstanding credentials). Not only do I own and know how to play a harmonica, I have consumed a respectable amount of our favorite freeze-dried carbohydrate in my lifetime. How much? Too much to count. But if I had to, it’d be in the tens of thousands. I will even include a flowchart or bracket if I’m in the mood. If I don’t, what are you gonna do about it? Stop reading? Bet.

Chicken: 44 points. 

• As basic as it gets. +5 points for being a safe option.

• Same orange as Guy Fieri’s orange watch, +6 points

• Taste is a 24/29, it’s pretty basic.

• Not universally liked, just universally tolerated. +5 points. 

• I eat this when I’m at my lowest. +4 points.

Beef: 25 points. 

• A pretty basic flavor too, but only adventurous people really stray from chicken. +5 points for trying anything that's both artificial and beef flavored.

• The red is kind of intimidating, -3 points. 

• I’m going to be honest, I didn’t try this but my friend did. She gave it an 18/29, but she’s also a harsh critic of my pursuits, so we’re going to scale this to a 23/29.

• “Where was my beefy taste, ya know?” Take that how you will.

Shrimp: 43 points. 

• I liked it. Personal bias +10 points.

• Rate it a 27/29. -2 points for ugly pink packaging

• Pretty safe bet, I’d say. But eating artificial food that’s seafood-flavored is kinda even sketchier than beef flavored. +6 points for courage.

Picante Beef: 58 points

• Ah, finally a street flavor. +5 points.

• Was mentioned in Brooklyn 99. +20 points.

• Taste is negligible, eating something with picante in the name makes me feel Cultured and Worldly. 30/29.

• Festive packaging, +3 points.

Picante Chicken: 47 points. 

• Another picante flavour. +5 points for street cred.

• Was not mentioned in brooklyn 99. +/- 0 points. 

• Taste was pretty good, not gonna lie. Was pleasantly surprised. I give it a 31/29 because it was better than picante beef. 

• Also makes me feel Worldly, +3 points.

• It was slightly peppery, but not overwhelming. +5 points.

• Also festive packaging, +3 points. 

Chili: 45 points

• I cannot take spice, all I tasted was spicy. -2 points

• My roommate really liked it and she finished it off for me. Called me weak. -4 points

• “I LOVE IT. SO SO GOOD.” Take that however you will.

• “Spiciness with flavour” +5 points. 

• 39/29

• I really liked the green packaging though. +7 points.

Lime Shrimp Chili: 50 points. 

• Holy Trinity, +3^2 points.

• I actually really liked this! Reminded me of Singapore, I think it was the lime. 35/29

• Would definitely buy again. +3 points. 

• I also ate the styrofoam cup version instead of the one that you have to get a bowl for. I guess it added to the ambiance? +3 points.

Creamy Chicken: -27 points. 

• Tasted like it was cooked in cheesy lacroix, -20 points.

• River’s favourite ramen flavour, she tells me that the less water I put, the better. It still sounds unbelievably sketchy. -10 points.

• Yellow packaging was nice, I guess? +3 points.

Here are some directions to make good ramen. 

1. Place the slab into your bowl and fill with water, make sure that all parts are damp and don’t add too much water. I eye it, but I’m also a professional so can’t really help you with that one.

2. Make sure not to dispose of the little crumbs. 

3. Microwave on high for 3 to 3:30 minutes. I like it somewhere in between.

4. After it’s microwaved, remove it from the microwave and add seasoning. Mix well.

5. Add the crumbs on top for garnish.

6. Enjoy.